Well, another day, another "talk show"…get the ads
telling me who is on each day - just never seem to have the time to watch them
all…. "if only" - (well, I guess that would mean life was boring so…)
Anyway, I had really wanted to see Mr Gavin de Becker on Oprah. I have
enjoyed his book - The Gift of Fear and wanted to see what he had to say
"in person". Was a busy afternoon with running to do but saw a
few bits and pieces in passing. I know he has a lot to say in his book
but the only real message I heard today was "trust your
instincts". Now, I agree - yes - that is VERY, VERY
important!! But I was really hoping to hear so much more…it has been 10
years since the book came out and times are a changin'…
In addition to the ALL IMPORTANT INSTINCTS…most of what we
do on a daily basis that puts us at risk / being in danger has to do with the
choices we make. As I teach every morning, I listen to story after
story. The first set of stories is from employees of corporations sharing
their tales of victimization - they were outside smoking, someone asked for a
light and next thing they knew they were being robbed; someone followed them
home from work at night after stalking them for weeks and they drove into their
own driveway to call police; they had a security system and thought they were
safe so they failed to keep their doors and windows locked - hitting the
"panic" button didn't help get the police fast enough they were being
attacked; it was raining and they left the car running as they ran inside to
pay for gas quickly - car gone; same with wallets, iPods, left on the front
seat of their cars; women leaving their purses unattended in a grocery cart;
kids wearing clothing with their school or sports name on the front then giving
our too much personal information to strangers who seem to be "nice";
they let a gas man into the house with an unscheduled appointment - I can go on
and on - so many of these things can be AVOIDED if we just took one extra
minute to think about our actions.
My weekly assignment to my high school students is to see
how many of you they can "rob". They don't actually steal
things (yet it is amazing how many items they "tally" for me by Monday
morning of thing they could have easily taken if they had a "criminal
mind") but they do watch your bad habits in the hope of not developing
them. It is a lot of fun to hear how they have begun to "catch"
themselves from doing things the more we practice and it has deterred a few of
their parents as well. One girl had told her mother over and over again
how someone could just walk up and steal her wallet from her sling, backpack
purse and was ignored. So one weekend after being sent home with her
"assignment" she was grocery shopping with mom. They were
running and picking up items the purse on mom's back. My student
"unzipped" the purse, removed her mother's wallet and waited until
they got to the check out lane. Well, the wallet was "gone" and
the mom and had not felt a thing. The daughter returned it with a
"safety lecture" and mom has a new purse.
The second set of stories is from the students who like most
of us just want to believe "it won't happen to me" - I live in an
affluent part of town. Well, guess what? First, these girls are already
in a high risk group because of their age (12-25) and then their naivety just
leaves them open for victimization. They tell me things like:
"oh, I know everything - I watched a video on self defense";
"I learned so many things from an email that I got from a friend about
safety - if I'm approached or am abducted I would…. (punch out the tail light
of the trunk I'm in and wave my arm out for help, puke on the guy, etc);
"My driver's ed teacher told me all I have to do if someone tried to take
me with my car is fall to the ground and act like I'm having an epileptic
seizure and they will leave me alone".
I should be thankful for these things because it keeps my
classes fun, entertaining and the discussions never end - and I am never out of
things to teach! The sad part of all of this is that there are not enough
teachers like myself (Rape/ Aggression/ Defense - RAD) out there working to
educate you and your kids to keep them safe. And even if their were enough
educators, many just do not take the classes because they don't see the need or
"put it off until later" - which may be too late. (Why not
start today? Why not now when our children are teens and know everything? I
commend the schools who have chosen to add these programs to their high school
gym curriculum - it is a semester long and could be a life saving portion of
their life long education! It at least gives them something to think
about) Please remember too, this isn't about "stranger danger".
Statistics say that 1 in 4 women and 1 in 7 boys will be affected by
molestation / rape in their lifetime. In addition, 90% of these attacks
will not come from the "knife wielding" stranger behind a bush - they
will come from someone we know! So will need to be ready to defend yourself
even if you are "friendly" with your attacker which is hard to do in
our "polite" society.
So what about that video? Myth one: you will not
learn what you need to know about self defense from watching a video.
Even as an instructor, I return to classes to learn through hands on
training. Nothing can replace actual events, punching, practicing
moves. You do not make something instinctual until you practice it hands
on over and over. When you get into a situation where you need to defend
yourself, you need to remember - this isn't about choreographed karate moves
(and I'm not saying anything is wrong with that) but this is about street
fighting. At this point in time, "all bets are off". You
will be fighting for your life! You will have approximately 5 seconds or
so to make a move and do it hard enough to surprise and hopefully hurt your
attacker so you can retreat to a "safe environment" and obtain the
help you need. These things need to come second nature to you - you need
to have a plan for safety BEFORE you ever need it. We plan and practice
for Fires - why not our personal safety while out and about? You never hope to
have a fire in your home but you are ready if it should ever occur - shouldn't
you be the same with self defense?
Now those emails that continually circulate? Yes, some
of the information is helpful (at least it makes you "think" about
your safety and what you might do in a situation) but some can actually
do more harm than good. The arm out a tail light strategy. Have you
ever tried to get in the trunk of your car or looked at the way the tail light
is set up? Sorry, can't do it.
Best thing? DON'T let anyone
remove you to a secondary location! You have a better chance of survival
(even if a weapon is involved) if you fight. Statistically, your chance
of survival at a secondary location is less than 1%. Some say to scratch
your attacker (good thing if you can get your fingers in their eyes) or to bite
them (do you know what diseases your attacker may have? Just a thought.), as a
very last resort these things may be helpful but otherwise they are just going
to "tick off" your attacker. They want to upset you, they want
you to panic and be afraid - you have just shown them it is working. (Now
a good solid punch placed to an appropriate target on the other hand will make
your point known!) There are just too many things about these emails that it
would take several pages to rebut.
Finally, although I'm sure the Driver's Ed teacher was
trying to be helpful by telling several of my students to fake a seizure but ….
first of all, if the attacker wants your car - give it to him! Second,
the worst place you can be in any situation is on the ground. Why put
yourself there are purpose? Do you not think if this attacker really
wants you that they will just pick you up and throw you into the vehicle?
When someone tells you about a self defense "move" that they think is
good or helpful - ask your self: Is it a feasible thing to do? Then
ask what would happen next? If I did this in a fight (and think cage
fighting / street brawls), what would my opponent do to me next? Then, no
matter what, you need to always assume your attacker is stronger than you are.
Then you need to learn and practice self defense techniques
that will pit your strengths against your attacker's weaknesses….and you should
have a plan so you NEVER panic!
So, as much as I enjoyed Mr de Becker's presentation on
Oprah today, I guess I was hoping for more. I would definitely say
TRUST YOUR INSTINCTS and then I would add: 1. Be Aware of your
environment (what's going on around you, where the exits are if needed and
never lessen any of your senses - loud music through ear buds of iPod, etc) 2.
Never Panic - have a plan, and a back up plan 3. If in trouble, use your
voice and make a lot of noise, your attacker doesn't want to have attention
drawn to the situation 3. Carry some form of self defense product such as a
stream pepper spray (will talk about that another day but trust me on the
STREAM) 4. Finally, use good judgment - (i.e., don't walk alone at night,
see a van that makes you uncomfortable…don't walk by it to get your car in the
mall parking lot, go in and get a security escort - better to be Safe than
Sorry). We don't need to be PARANOID, and we don't want to be
OBLIVIOUS, we need to be SMART.
What habits do you have that might put you at risk? What would you do if you were ever attacked? Would you know?
Have you been a victim of a violent crime? How did
you respond? (As a Pharma Rep, was robbed at gun point for my auto and
drug samples. Never want to try that again)
For more on self defense classes, contact Executive Defense by clicking here or for a complete safety handbook, you can find my new paperback "Are Your Habits Killing You" on Amazon.com or Barnes and Noble.com
There
are actually a couple…My favorites are definitely the interviews and
the interactions with the authors off my blog. I got the chance to
interview famous historical romance author Amelia Grey and excited that
she’ll be coming back as a guest post this coming fall. Cheryl Brooks,
paranormal romance author was a hoot and I’m still trying to convince
her to write a sex commentary for her Cat Star Chronicles! lol And I
was very touched with Kimberly Elliott’s book 
