I do. I'm one of their friends on Facebook.
I am also a mother of a teen and owner of a safety education company, Executive Defense Technology. Last week, my teenaged daughter and I were discussing, once again, the downfalls of technology. My attempts to protect my teen from herself are failing as she secretly joins one more anime chat group. I know as a parent, it is impossible for me to monitor what she is doing on the PC 100% of the time.
As a business person, I have enjoyed my journey into MySpace and Facebook and have had the pleasure of networking with so many incredible people that I would never have been able to communicate with in the past but what about our teens? My 15 year old would like a Facebook of her own. My answer -- no. Definitely, NO! This is a weekly, okay, daily argument of ours. My daughter has been drilled day in and out with a long list of important safety and privacy lessons: look both ways before crossing the street; buckle up; hide your diary where your nosy brother can't find it; don't talk to strangers and don't post any information on the internet that you don't want the whole world to see & know.
I am assured over and over that Facebook is "safe" because you only let people become your friend if you know them. Is that true? I made her a bet. I bet her that I could become popular at her school through Facebook. I bet her that in 5 days I could have at least 300 friends and would know what everyone at school was talking about.
She just doesn't realize that in addition to being a wonderful tool as a homework aid, the internet is the world's biggest personal information exchange. By providing information about herself and using blogs, chat rooms, email, or instant messaging, she can communicate, either within a limited community, or with the world at large. But while the sites can increase her circle of friends, they also can increase her exposure to people who have less-than-friendly intentions. We've both heard the stories about people who were stalked by someone they met online, had their identity stolen, or had their computer hacked. The reality these days, for her, is that she is far more likely to become a victim of a cyber crime than a physical crime. For any stalker, physical or cyber, information is dominance and power. If a stranger approached your teen on the street, demanded their phone number and asked to be their friend, would they do it? Of course not, because that's insane and it violates the basic tenets of human interaction. so why are they giving away information so readily on the internet? I'm sorry, I can't answer that question for you but from one parent to another, I can warn you about the ease of access to your child and their information.
My daughter now owes me a week of vacuuming and clean dishes with no complaining - I won the bet. Unfortunately, I won the bet faster than I had expected. How? I built a 16 year old sophomore. I used a Fotosearch.com stock photo, I made up a female personality and within less than 24 hours, I had over 300 friends. It was easy. Too easy!
First, I targeted boys who had a lot of friends on their "friend list ". They allowed me into their world immediately. Then as my list began to grow, I targeted girls with a long list of friends. After that, I targeted some of my daughter's friends. It was easy at that point. I was now friends of friends - we had so much in common. I was approved by all of her friends. My list continued to grow. After that, people began to invite me to be their friend. Not one of them knew me for who I was or even knew the 16 year old at their high school. The thing that shocked me the most? Only 3 kids, 2 boys and one girl, asked me who I was. I told them I was transferring to town with my dad's job and was trying to meet new friends. That was the end of that. I instant messaged with several people and had a wonderful time - for a few moments I was reliving those high school days.
Not much has really changed since my time in high school. Still the same worries, still the same concerns. Except now they are easily accessible - by EVERYONE. No more fighting over the call waiting at home. It's all about instant messaging, texting, cell phone numbers. By being a friend of theirs online, I have access to all of that information. Easy as anything, I can now find your child. I know their school and sports schedules. I know who is dating whom. I know who broke up with whom and I know all of their personal contact information. I don't have to look up mom and dad's information to find them. I know that when they are bored in school they are secretly sitting in the back of the classroom, ignoring the teachers and communicating on Facebook. I have their homecoming pictures and videos with friends goofing off. I can share this with any and everyone. I am not a stalker. I am just a mother trying to make a point to my child but it truly shocked me how very easy it was to access so many of your teens in such a short period of time. If I can do this when I don't know much about computers, their lingo or short cuts, imagine what a perpetrator with a little knowledge could do. Imagine what someone who wants to do your child, you or your residence harm can do. How easy it would be to access all you are trying to protect.
Our house rule: If you can't pick up the phone and talk in person, you have no business communicating with that person via computer either. As I mentioned earlier, I can't watch her 100% of the time and statistics show that teens have at least 3 email accounts that their parents don't know about. On the anime sites, my daughter has a variety of code names she uses. I try to keep up with all of it but it's a full time job (thank goodness her little brother is a snitch). We keep the computer in the kitchen so I can peek over her shoulder at any given time and she knows it (she's gotten good at switching screens quickly). As parents we can just hope we have done our job sufficiently as educators. I would love to see more programs in schools on the subject - showing kids what an easy target they truly are (without them rolling their eyes as if to say - "It won't happen to me". Denial is a dangerous thing) Right now my one saving grace? She is afraid of whom she is now sharing information with. No, she isn't really thinking it might be a stalker or anyone out to do her harm - I am realistic. She is more afraid that it might be ME on the other end of the conversation. Whatever keeps her safe!
Your Safety's at Stake
The FTC suggests these tips for socializing safely online:
* Think about how different sites work before deciding to join a site. Some
sites will allow only a defined community of users to access posted content;
others allow anyone and everyone to view postings.
* Think about keeping some control over the information you post. Consider
restricting access to your page to a select group of people, for example, your
friends from school, your club, your team, your community groups, or your
family.
* Keep your information to yourself. Don't post your full name, Social Security
number, address, phone number, or bank and credit card account numbers and
don't post other peoples information, either.
* Be cautious about posting information that could be used to identify you or
locate you offline. This could include the name of your school, sports team,
clubs, and where you work or hang out.
* Make sure your screen name doesn't say too much about you. Don't use your
name, your age, or your hometown. Even if you think your screen name makes you
anonymous, it doesn't take a genius to combine clues to figure out who you are
and where you can be found.
* Post only information that you are comfortable with others seeing and knowing
about you. Many people can see your page, including your parents, your
teachers, the police, the college you might want to apply to next year, or the
job you might want to apply for in five years.
* Remember that once you post information online, you can't take it back. Even
if you delete the information from a site, older versions exist on other
peoples computers.
* Consider not posting your photo. It can be altered and broadcast in ways you
may not be happy about. If you do post one, ask yourself whether its one your
mom would display in the living room.
* Flirting with strangers online could have serious consequences. Because some
people lie about who they really are, you never really know who your dealing
with.
* Be wary if a new online friend wants to meet you in person. Before you decide
to meet someone, do your research: Ask whether any of your friends know the
person, and see what background you can dig up through online search engines.
If you decide to meet them, be smart about it: Meet in a public place, during
the day, with friends you trust. Tell an adult or a responsible sibling where
your going, and when you expect to be back.
* Trust your gut if you have suspicions. If you feel threatened by someone or
uncomfortable because of something online, tell an adult you trust and report
it to the police and the social networking site. You could end up preventing
someone else from becoming a victim.
For More Information
To learn more about staying safe online, visit the following organizations:
Federal Trade Commission
The FTC works for the consumer to prevent fraudulent, deceptive, and unfair
business practices in the marketplace and to provide information to help
consumers spot, stop, and avoid them. To file a complaint or to get free
information on consumer issues, visit ftc.gov
or call toll-free, 1-877-FTC-HELP (1-877-382-4357); TTY: 1-866-653-4261. The
FTC enters Internet, telemarketing, identity theft, and other fraud-related
complaints into Consumer Sentinel, a secure, online database available to
hundreds of civil and criminal law enforcement agencies in the U.S. and abroad.
