ExecutiveMom's Safety and Self Defense Blog

Are Infant Car Seats Safe?

As a mother with children and young nieces in my daily care, I have always been very careful about the attachment of my car seats. We have attended free safety checks at our local children’s hospital as well as the ones provided by the local fire departments. 

Although I grew up in an era where we jumped among the seats in our station wagon and we couldn’t wait to stick our toes out the back window while traveling on a summer day, I am very consciences about the safety and regulations concerning my own precious gifts.  As times change, so do the studies about safety.

Recently, I was very concerned about a study that was presented by Consumer Reports stating -  In crashes, infant car seats ‘failed disastrously’  Consumer Reports puts seats through same collisions required for new cars

My Evenflo and Graco seats did not fair well!  These are my most precious cargo and I am purchasing these items for their protection.  So, you can’t believe my joy and relief as I read an article in today’s news: 

Consumer Reports retracts infant car seat study

Original report was outsourced and flawed, magazine admits

It’s nice to finally hear some good news in the way of safety!  Guess what moms, we are still doing the right thing – and without a hand book to help us!!  Congratulations!

10 Tips to Safety during Winter Storms

As Mark Twain put it, “Climate is what we expect; weather is what we get.”

Winter had most of the United States in its grip on Tuesday, with 500,000 homes and businesses still lacking electricity in the Midwest and Northeast, while the Northwest experienced another blast of snow and California reported that nearly its entire citrus crop was wiped out by a freeze.

In the Northeast, power lines were down, highways were treacherous and spring-like temperatures were only a memory in the wake of the storm that earlier had plastered the Midwest and Plains with a heavy shell of ice.

The images from these recent events bring to mind the need to keep ourselves and our loved ones as safe as possible during bad storms, no matter where we live.

It’s important to plan ahead:

1. Assemble an emergency kit. Have these items on hand and make sure they can last for at least 72 hours: a flashlight; batteries; a portable radio; at least 1 gallon of water per person per day; non-perishable foods such as canned goods and granola bars; a can opener; an extra set of clothes; durable shoes; blankets; items to help pass the time, such as a deck of cards; a first aid kit that includes prescription drugs as needed; a whistle; and supplies such as duct tape and plastic so you can build a “shelter in place” if necessary. You can make smaller versions of this kit for your car or office and stock it with practical items for either setting.
2. Take special Steps if you need special items – life support, oxygen, etc.
3. Know where to find water
4. Keep your refrigerated food safe
5. Avoid Shock and Electrocution
6. Protect yourself from hypothermia
7. Don’t get over heated
8. Stay clear of carbon- monoxide – great article to read on the subject
9. know when to say when and seek shelter some where that’s safer – and if you do leave – make sure all is locked up to prevent from robbers/looters
10. Stay safe while on the road - Generally speaking, you should never wander away from your vehicle unless you’re certain about precisely where you are and precisely where you can find help. Other tidbits to remember: stay on main roads whenever possible; use a bright distress flag, flares or hazard lights to draw attention to your car; and if you have enough gasoline, run the engine and heater for about 10 minutes every hour so you stay warm. (Ten tips to stay safe on the road)

Again, who could have predicted some of the freakish weather we've gotten in the past few weeks? None of us! JUST BE SAFE OUT THERE!

Online Sexual Exploitation

It may be a Sunday but many of our kids are off for the MLK holiday so there will be extra time for TV, late nights and blogging.

We love it, as adults it's a great way to communicate and get to know people and learn about cultures and ideas we would never have the opportunity to hear about otherwise. It's fun to find people who have the same interests and opinions that we have. Or just as much fun to debate with those who don't.

We are more connected to each other now than ever before in history.

But that also means our children are too!  Reading over some head lines today, I found this article:

In his one-year anniversary speech, Attorney General Alberto R. Gonzales stressed the Department's commitment to protecting

America

's children from online sexual exploitation crimes by announcing Project Safe Childhood. This nationwide initiative, involving efforts by federal, state, and local law enforcement officials, formally began on May 17, 2006. The new Project Safe Childhood Web site provides information to our community partners that will help protect our children from online exploitation and abuse. Guided by the leadership of the Attorney General, Project Safe Childhood (PSC) aims to combat the proliferation of technology-facilitated sexual exploitation crimes against children.

The threat of sexual predators soliciting children for physical sexual contact is well-known and serious; the danger of the production, distribution, and possession of child pornography is equally dramatic and disturbing. The response to these growing problems must be coordinated, comprehensive, and robust. It must aim to investigate and prosecute vigorously, and protect and assist victimized children. At the same time, it must recognize the need for a broad, community-based effort to protect our children and to guarantee to future generations the opportunities of the American dream.

As a mother, this is a very distrubing fact for me. Because of my husband's occupation, my children are quite sheltered and know about predators, what they can do to children and how to avoid the potential dangers. Do your children?

A Blessing and Miracle - AMBER Alert works!

As we, a Missouri community, searched for a missing boy, 4 days had passed, frantic friends and family prayed with broken hearts and fear, an AMBER Alert was posted. This was January 11th.

At the same time, those in charge of the AMBER Alert Program posted a press release / statement - and excert follows:

As we plan our activities for the New Year, please be sure to mark your calendars for National Missing Children's Day on May 23. As part of our preparations for the National Missing Children's Day event, we are seeking nominations for the Foundation of the Year Award for Service to Missing and Exploited Children; Corporation of the Year Award for Service to Missing and Exploited Children; Missing Children's Non-Profit Organization of the Year Award; AMBER Citizen Award; and the AMBER Alert Coordinator of the Year Award. Please save the date and send us your best!

We have much to be proud of and much still to do. Our nationally coordinated efforts have transformed AMBER Alert from an effective emergency response system into a powerful force in fighting—and preventing—crime. We will build on that momentum in 2007, and come this time next year, we will be able to report that our children are even better protected.

Regina B. Schofield, National AMBER Alert Coordinator
January 2007

January 12th a miracle occurred due to the help of many concerned citizens and this program - Ben was found!  And not only Ben but Shaun - a boy who had been missing for 4 years! As a mother, I can't explain the feelings I had at that moment that the news was released!

So as we celebrate their return, please remember two things - please support the work of the National AMBER Alert Program and a lesson from this event...some of those interviewed said that they had noticed a white pick up truck hanging around- out of place, no reason before it snatched Ben off his streets.  SAFETY TIP FOR THE WEEK: if you notice something /someone out of the ordinary - don't wait until hind sight....have an adult approach them and ask what they are doing and what they want! That way they will know that they are being watched and will move on to another area who hopefully will have residents who will do the same thing!

Celebrating Success,Dedication and Safety

Celebrating their first week of business!   My husband represents a new company headquartered in St Louis.The harsh reality is a risk –free environment will never exist. Yes, it is a sad world we live in when we have to be on guard all the time but pretending the danger is not there doesn’t make the reality go away.

Executive Defense Technology's Trainers and Advisors constitute over 110 years of experience in some type of law enforcement - Probation & Parole, Fugitive work, FBI, Military, Local Homicide and Enforcement officers. 

These professionals want to remind people of all ages and walks of life to be AWARE as they go through their daily activities, at work, at home or at play.   They also want you to have a few simple, easy to remember techniques to escape if you were to find yourself in a compromising position.  Due to an increase in violence and the reduction of resources available to the police, individuals need to think in a defensive mode and be responsible for their own safety. 

Due to an increase in violence, training is an essential component in preparing individuals to operate safely in any environment.  Many People Think of Self Defense as a Karate Kick to the Groin of an Attacker but Self Defense is actually about Using Your SMARTS Not Your FISTS.

You don't need to be a black belt to protect yourself.  Safety awareness and education for how to escape a compromising position (by learning a few basic, easy to remember techniques) will be your key to staying safe on a daily basis.  While it is vital for individuals to make appropriate choices in threatening situations, it is just as important to learn how to avoid a potentially threatening situation BEFORE it unfolds.  EDT teaches safety awareness, physical self-defense techniques and how to respond every day situations.

According to the Bureau of Justice Statistics, (BJS) US Department of Justice, in 2002 nearly 750,000 crimes of were committed each year against people at work or on duty another 170,000 against people traveling to and from work.

The first step in prevention is for individuals to understand the complexities of the problem.  Ironically, the term “violence” tends to become misleading.  Many business leaders believe that if there is no record of employees getting shot or killed, there really isn’t a risk or problem.  The sobering reality is that workplace homicides are only the tip of the iceberg- a much larger risk lies in the non-fatal workplace incidents.  It has been estimated by the Bureau of Labor Statistics that between 1.5 and two million non-fatal incidents occur each year, and many suspect that this is under - reported by approximately 50 percent. (Bureau of Labor Statistics)  The US Department of Justice reports that 66,336 people are victims of an assault, robbery or a personal property theft (including computer/motor vehicle) every day.  Unfortunately, another report from the Bureau of Justice Statistics Department that was released on Aug 6, 2006 stated that crime rates had not changed from 2004-2005 and that 40% of the reported crimes were committed by repeat offenders

Many people spend a good portion of their time at work.  This means it’s just as important to use crime prevention skills in the workplace as it is at home and in the neighborhood.  Whether the place of business is corporate headquarters, a restaurant, a store, on the street in sales or a person’s home, common- sense prevention skills can make the workday safer for everyone.

Personal Safety is external awareness of our environment and choices about how we behave.  In its simplest sense, it is the skills needed to set limits in situations that make us uncomfortable or are potentially dangerous.  “...if it doesn’t feel right, it’s probably not....” 

Violence in the workplace -   It has even been shown in litigation that a company who has provided some sort of personal safety training to their employees – either during a formal meeting or initial hire training – is better off when it comes time to prosecute for negligence.  They can prove that they tried to be proactive in keeping their employees safe in all ways possible.

Even though you may personally feel safe from harm, violence still robs you.  The costs of violence are enormous.  The annual cost of caring for gunshot victims is more than $14 billion.  Violent crime is responsible for much of the $90 billion a year it costs to run our criminal justice system.  The cost to American business from workplace violence is estimated at $120 billion a year.  How can we help change this?

Quote of the Month By Jay Leno

The quote of the month is by Jay Leno:

"With hurricanes, tornados, fires out of control, mud
slides, flooding, severe thunderstorms tearing up the
country from one end to another, and with the threat of bird
flu and terrorist attacks, "Are we sure this is a good time
to take God out of the Pledge of Allegiance?"

GOD bless and have a Wonderful, Fun and Safe Weekend!

Imagination Gone Wild - Cheap Dates

The thought of someone being a "cheap date" usually evokes images of a social misfit decked out in striped pants, checkered shirt, glasses with duct tape at the bridge, can't forget the pocket protector - he pays for his fast food bill with pennies and cries if he has to break a $20 bill.

Cheap dates typically have a bad rap but most of us have lived through a time in our lives that we have been "high on romance" and low on funds in the bank.  So, does our time with a special someone have to be expensive to create memorable moments?

Absolutely not! Why not try this suggestion.....Take A Ride
The next time you and your sweetie are out for a leisurely drive admiring the scenery, you can greatly increase the day's erotic potential by pointing out places that you'd like to make love. If you're driving though the countryside, every time you pass a green field, point out the exact tree under which you'd like your lover to take you. If you're in the city, make sultry suggestions about hidden alleyways, darkened buildings or even the public square. Let your imagination run wild. By the time you park the car, amorous adventures will likely ensue.

Any Other Creative Ideas, Ladies?

Idiot Report

A Lighter Side of Crime Today:

Always Amusing.....

-----The Idiot Report........

Number One Idiot of 2006

I am a medical student currently doing a rotation in
toxicology at the poison control center. Today,
this woman called in very upset because she caught
her little daughter eating ants. I quickly
reassured her that the ants are not harmful and
there would be no need to bring her daughter into
the hospital. She calmed down and at the end of the
conversation happened to mention that she gave her
daughter some ant poison to eat in order to kill the
ants. I told her that she better bring her daughter
into the emergency room right away.

Here's your sign, lady. Wear it with pride.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Number Two Idiot of 2006

Early this year, some Boeing employees on the
airfield decided to steal a life raft from one of
the 747s. They were successful in getting it out of
the plane and home. Shortly after they took it for
a float on the river, they noticed a Coast Guard
helicopter coming towards them. It turned out that
the chopper was homing in on the emergency locator
beacon that activated when the raft was inflated.
They are no longer employed at Boeing.

Here's your sign, guys. Don't get it wet; the paint
might run.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Number Three Idiot of 2006

A man, wanting to rob a downtown Bank of America,
walked into the Branch and wrote this, "Put all your
muny in this bag." While standing in line, waiting
to give his note to the teller, he began to worry
that someone had seen him write the note and might
call the police before he reached the teller's
window. So he left the Bank of America and crossed
the street to the Wells Fargo Bank. After waiting a
few minutes in line, he handed his note to the Wells
Fargo teller. She read it and, surmising from his
spelling errors that he wasn't the brightest light
in the harbor, told him that she could not accept
his stickup note because it was written on a Bank of
America deposit slip and that he would either have
to fill out a Wells Fargo deposit slip or go back to
Bank of America. Looking somewhat defeated, the man
said, "OK" and left. He was arrested a few minutes
later, as he was waiting in line back at Bank of
America.

Don't bother with this guy's sign. He probably
couldn't read it anyway.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Number Four Idiot of 2006

A motorist was unknowingly caught in an automated
speed trap that; measured his speed using radar and
photographed his car. He later received in the mail
a ticket for $40 and a photo of his car. Instead of
payment, he sent the police department a photograph
of $40. Several days later, he received a letter
from the police that contained another picture, this
time of handcuffs. He immediately mailed in his
$40.

Wise guy........ but you still get a sign
____________________________ ______________________________ ________

Number Five Idiot of 2006

A guy walked into a little corner store with a
shotgun and demanded all of the cash from the cash
drawer. After the cashier put the cash in a bag,
the robber saw a bottle of Scotch that he wanted
behind the counter on the shelf. He told the cashier
to put it in the bag as well, but the cashier
refused and said, "Because I don't believe you are
over 21." The robber said he was, but the clerk
still refused to give it to him because she didn't
believe him. At this point, the robber took his
driver's license out of his wallet and gave it to
the clerk. The clerk looked it over and agreed that
the man was in fact over
21 and she put the Scotch in the bag. The robber
then ran from the store with his loot. The cashier
promptly called the police and gave the name and
address of the robber that he got off the license.
They arrested the robber two hours later.

This guy definitely needs a sign.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Idiot Number Six of 2006

A pair of Michigan robbers entered a record shop
nervously waving revolvers. The first one shouted,
"Nobody move!" When his partner moved, the startled
first bandit shot him.

This guy doesn't even deserve a sign

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Idiot Number Seven of 20056

Arkansas: Seems this guy wanted some beer pretty
badly. He decided that he'd just throw a cinder
block through a liquor store window, grab some
booze, and run. So he lifted the cinder block and
heaved it over his head at the window. The cinder
block bounced back knocking him unconscious. It
seems the liquor store window was made of
Plexi-Glass. The whole event was caught on
videotape.

Yep, Here's your sign
(Please note that all of the above people are
allowed to vote)

A Wake Up Call For All Our Families

It's been over 24 hours since the little boy in Missouri disappeared. All prayers are with him and his family and they are hoping for the best outcome. Unfortunately, stranger abductions usually end badly. Each year, approximately 58,000 missing children are abducted by non-family members. Typically, strangers who kidnap children commit their crimes with intent to harm their young victims. Every day, these offenders lure unsuspecting children into vehicles and homes. Most of these kids are not prepared for the reality of "stranger danger" and, therefore, tend to trust unknown adults. Most abducted children are eventually recovered. The majority of these children return home with visible or emotional scars. A small number of kidnapped children are never located. And, in rare instances, some abducted children are murdered by the stranger who betrayed their trust. Despite the grim statistics, you have the ability to reduce the likelihood of child abduction. By teaching your kids the importance of stranger danger, you can stop these appalling crimes before they happen. (EDUCATION AND PREVENTION ARE KEY!) KEEPING YOUR GIFT SAFE: In order to keep children safe, you should practice basic stranger-safety procedures with your children: · Tell your children to always walk or play in groups. Predators search for isolated targets such as children who are walking alone or playing alone. (Even as grown women we should always practice the rule of 3 where ever we go - predators don't want to make a scene or be recognized - just like animals in the wild, they prey on the weakest or loneliest in the group) · You should always know where your kids are going, even if they leave the house with another trusted adult. If your children spend time at their friends' homes, you should discuss a mutual child-watch plan with other parents. If your children walk or ride their bikes to other nearby houses, designate safe places for your child to run if threatened by a stranger. · Keep a list of phone numbers of other nearby parents and offer your numbers to these parents. You can quickly check on the location of your children if needed. When playing outside, have the children check in with your periodically - every 45 minutes or so. For older children, a cell phone (even if it just has 911 emergency capabilities or a Firefly version with parental controls is a way to give you piece of mind) · In addition to other parents, your kids should know which strangers are safe. Teach your children that stores, schools, libraries and restaurants are all safe public places where they can run if they are in jeopardy. · Practice a secret code word with your children. Use this code word when another adult is required to transport your child. Tell your kids they should never get into a car with someone who does not know the code word. Change the word as often as neededAs children become school age, although cute, don't use monogrammed items - backpacks, lunch boxes, shirts · Teach your kids about the common lures used by abductors. Often, a kidnapper appeals to victims by asking the child to help find a lost animal. Sometimes, the stranger will ask a child for directions. Occasionally, abductors know the child's name or the names of the child's parents. Perpetrators attempt to use this knowledge to gain the child's trust. You should tell your children that adults ask other adults for help when they are truly searching for lost pets, or when they need any other type of assistance. · Practice various scenarios with your children. If a stranger attempts to talk to or grab your children, your children should know to shout, "No!","Fire!" , or "That's not my mom/dad". There are times when NOT listening to an adult is OK. If the child is uncomfortable, it's okay to go get help from an adult whom they know. Step back away from a vehicle or person so they are out of arms reach and tell them you will go get someone who will help them. Then run in the direction of the nearest house, store, populated area. Draw attention to themselves. Look the perpetrator in the eye and for the older children - try to remember physical characteristics so when they get to safety they can tell someone who was trying to cause them harm. This way, police can follow up and try to remove them from the streets. As I mentioned in my last article, this is about education and preparation rather than paranoia. We want happy, healthy children but we also want them to be safe and home in our arms every night at bedtime! The better prepared they are, the safer they are. We vaccinate our children to prevent viruses, who knows if they would ever get the disease we are trying to prevent but we do it as a precaution. We are looking out for their best interest, we don't hide away from reality and say "it won't happen to us". Safety education is the same concept! Like our insurance policies - there if we need it - hopefully we won't. But in the end, we will be ready to win the battle. (and don't forget to give them an extra hug when you lay them in bed tonight! God blessed us with these gifts, we need to protect them) RESOURCES: The Polly Klaas Foundation offers a free child safety kit which includes do-it-yourself fingerprint and DNA documentation. Furnished searchable sex-offender (child safe network)  database (national watch dog). For older children, you may sign up for a personal safety class and attend together or as a family - teach them how to try to escape if grabbed

Guardians of the Gift

As I sit tonight watching the CBS news report, I watch with a broken heart as a family desparately searches for a lost 13 year old in Missouri.  He got off the bus with a friend, was walking home as usual, the friend went into a neighbor's home for a moment and when he came out the little boy was gone and a strange white truck was speeding out of the neighborhood.  As afternoon turned to night, the police and family still frantically search.  Every parent/family member/guardians nightmare.  Yes, it is rare that these things happen but what if it was our one in a thousanth turn? What if that were my child? I can't even begin to imagine the pain, fear and heartsickness - not knowing.

NEVER TALK TO STRANGERS - one of my children's favorite books when they were small, is something children are taught from the time they are young, but they watch their parent's repeatedly violate that rule themselves.  I'm a sales person.  I talk to strangers for a living.  (To overcome this our family rule was "you can talk to strangers that are your size" - this helped social skills without causing too much fear and paranoia)

And children themselves are encouraged to violate it. "Say hello to the nice lady." "Answer the man's question." What children actually learn is: never talk to strangers unless they are wearing a clown suit or uniform, work at the bank, are handing out tasty samples, or are especially nice.

Young children who are told not to talk to strangers can usually be coerced to do so anyway. In a revealing research project children were successfully lured away from their inattentive parents time and time again--despite these parents emphatically insisting a short time earlier that their children would never leave the park with a stranger. On average, it took thirty-five seconds to lure each child from the safety of the park.

The rule "Never talk to strangers" actually reduces child's safety in other ways. "Never trust a stranger" implies that people who you know, will not harm you. The opposite is far more often true. 

The issue isn't strangers, it's strangeness. It's inappropriate behavior: a stare held too long, a smile that curls too slowly, a narrowing or widening of the eyes, a rapid looking away. --Gavin De Becker, Protecting the Gift

As children grow up, our longing for certainty grows stronger wanting to be sure that the park is safe, the beach is safe, the boy will drive carefully. We'll never be sure. Yet we can be certain we've educated ourselves, made the best choice possible with the time and resources available, and not denied or discounted our intuition. This means being willing to hesitate even when it's inconvenient, unpopular, or downright rude, such as canceling a sleepover at the very last minute because of a feeling something's wrong.

He was so nice" is a comment often heard from people who were later victimized. Teach children niceness doesn't equal goodness. No matter how engaging a stranger might be, never lose site of the context: He is what he is, a stranger who approached you.  The human being is the only prey in nature that cooperates in its own victimization.

While many parents are afraid of considering the details of how someone might hurt their children, ignorance, denial, or worry is not an effective strategy. Worry enhances risk because as you worry about imagined dangers, you are distracted from what's actually happening. Perception, not worry, serves safety.

Bottom line: The issue isn't strangers, it's strangeness. It's inappropriate behavior: a stare held too long, a smile that curls too slowly, a narrowing or widening of the eyes, a rapid looking away.--Gavin De Becker, Protecting the Gift

SAFETY TIPS FOR PARENTS:

If Lost, Go to a Police Officer. Is a mythical rule that rarely enhances safety. Young children can't tell the difference between a police officer and security guard (the latter are from the employment pool that gives more serial killers and rapists jobs than there is time to talk about!). Even if a child can identify a police officer, it could take hours to find one, and it might not happen at all. "Go to the manager" poses the same problem as identifying a police officer. That small name tag is several feet above a child's eye level.

Instead:  Teach children that if they are lost, go to a woman. Why? If a child selects a woman, it is highly unlikely she will be a predator. A man approached by a lost child seeking help may say, "Head over there to the manager's desk," a woman will get involved and stay involved until the child is safe.

As to "Don't wander off in public," saying this to kids makes sense--so long as we don't rely upon their compliance.

Instead try:  "If you can't see me, then I can't see you" as a safe rule of thumb, giving them freedom to move on their own but not out of sight.  Along with this advice, dress children in brightly colored, distinctive, easily describable clothing, and when in unfamiliar areas, have an agreement such as "If anyone gets lost, we'll meet at the ... (have a designated meeting spot that all in the family know about."

DO YOUR CHILDREN KNOW:

             Your full name, phone number and address

How to honor their feelings--if someone makes them feel uncomfortable - it's okay to say NO

You (the parents) are strong enough to hear about any experience they've had;

It's OK to be assertive;

How to ask for help;

How to choose who to ask;

It's OK to strike, even to injure, someone if the children believe that they are in danger, and that you'll support any action they take as a result of feeling afraid;

It's OK to make noise, to scream, yell, run;

If someone tries to force them to go somewhere, what they scream should include, "This is not my father";

If someone says "Don't yell," then yell

If someone says "Don't tell," tell

To fully resist going out of public view with someone they don't know, and to resist going anywhere with someone who tries to persuade them

To Trust Their Intuition

You may also want to provide them with some sort of personal protection device such as a small mace for pre-or teenage girls or personal alarms. Again, this isn't about causing parania and fear in our children so they can't function as adults in a society where "Talking to strangers" may be their career.  But rather a way of teaching them rules of self preservation that will keep them safe as they grow.

Children's Books:

My Body Is Private by Linda Walvoord Girard

Who Is a Stranger and What Should I Do? by Linda Walvoord Girard

What Would You Do? A Kid's Guide to Tricky and Sticky Situations by Linda Schwartz